Survivors
Not all sisters choose to remain in a polygamous marriage. Leaving a polygamous relationship may be the right thing to do for some sisters. For the sisters who do continue this enormously difficult struggle, by the grace and mercy of Allah, we must keep in mind that no one on this earth is perfect. We are all humans, and prone to episodes of weakness. But Allah Most High is Oft-forgiving Most Merciful. During periods when we fall short of pleasing Allah we must ask Him for forgiveness and follow up a bad deed with a good one. We must try our best to continue ascending that steep path until Allah decides to take our soul.
There is a hadith where a slave woman had epileptic seizures, which caused her private parts to be revealed. She asked The Prophet (saw) to ask Allah to take away the seizures. The Prophet (saw) said if you remain patient you will be rewarded, but if you wish I will ask Allah. She said, "Then just ask Him to prevent my private parts from being revealed." (Bukhari)
If the first wife in polygamy didn’t have this for a test, she certainly would be tried with something else. And who knows, that other test might be worse than this one. We can’t run from the calamities of this world. It may be that we’re running from one burdensome predicament to another that is far worse. Endure and expect reward is the motto for the first wife in polygamy as with any believer who suffers from a trial. Dying as Muslim and preferably a good one is our ultimate goal in life. So if we can endure one of the most heartbreaking, humiliating, and painful trials a woman can experience, then congratulations and good tidings for the patient ones.
In closing I’d like to say that the Muslim sister who finds herself in this situation can only live through this struggle herself. I am quite aware that no one can really talk her through it. Having the support systems of the community, family, books etc. are enormous blessings on this difficult road. However, ultimately the struggle is the sister’s alone and there is nothing anyone can say or write that will make “everything all right”. I’ve written this book as a reminder to assist sisters like myself who are trying to struggle down a difficult road. And a reminder is good for the believer.
By He in whose hands is my soul, Allah does not decree any matter for the believer but that it is good for him. If any blessing befalls him he is thankful to Allah and that is good for him. If any harm comes to him he is patient and that is also good for him. This is a bounty exclusive for the believers (Muslim)