[ Contents | Post | Reply | Next | Previous | Up ]
From: A broken heart
Date: 11 Jul 2010
Time: 18:42:59 -0600
Remote Name: 71.226.147.65
As Salaam Alaikum I have no one to talk to save Allah and thought I would post a follow up to my heart is broken post. I am not even sure anyone is reading but the writing feels a little better than the crying. Here goes... I am still not sleeping through the night however I am able to eat a little. When I do my stomach still becomes nauseous but I have still been able to hold most of it down now. Each night I walk through my house at all hours of the night and morning wondering what should I do and when will I be able to no longer feel pain. My husband gets angry if I ask him about his plans or his relationship with the other woman which means that I do not have any way to know what is going on and where I stand in his life. I do not call her that to be mean however, I now know that they have been together sexually for many months and long before he asked her to marry him. I have talked to her and found that if she is to believed nearly everything he told me was untrue. He told me that she was a woman in need of someone to be a role model for her son. She says that is untrue that her son has a father and uncles that are still in his life. He told me that she proposed the marriage, she says that it was all his idea and it came as a surprise to her. He told me that they were friends and that the friendship is what makes him want to marry her. She tells me how much he tells her he loves her and pleads with her to be patient and wait for me to come to terms with the situation. These are just some of the untruths. At one point I told him that I knew they had already been together in that way and he tried to deny it. When I told him that she had already confirmed it he became angry and argumentative yet admitted it. I find him talking to her online and even talking about me and according to her he calls her more than ten times in a day and that they talk frequently. How am I to feel about that. They are not even married and yet he leaves me telling me he is going out and spends the day with her from nine in the morning getting home at eleven at night. He tells me untruths all the time and they hurt so much. I try to believe everything he says but when you have been the victim of so much it is so very hard. My mind is starting to realize that this is not as much about his wanting another wife for the sake of following the tradition and practice of polygany as much as it is about him just wanting to have a relationship with both of us and not caring enough about how much it hurts me to sacrifice and be a faithful husband. I still want to run and leave but now I am wondering where can I go that my heart will not hurt. How much dare I hurt our daughter by taking her away from a father that she loves and can I stay for her sake knowing that I will be forever miserable, insecure and unloved. Part of me is so hopeful that Allah will hear my prayers and heal my family and return us to each other and the other part of me feels that it just hurts so much and I do not really know that Allah means for our relationship to be saved. How am I supposed to know. I know that Allah hates divorce but I also know that he hates zena or infidelity and I know that he would not want me hurt while I love and praise him. I do not know what else to do except cry and pray.