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From: azizah
Date: 29 Jun 2010
Time: 02:32:32 -0600
Remote Name: 81.159.13.72
MashaAllah I really like your comment. Allah has blessed you with wisdom in this siuation. I have been looking through this website in despair. I am a second wife and everything seems so negative here. Everything I have found on the internet about polygamy has been pro first wife and anti the evil husband stealing second wife. LOL It really doesnt have to be like that. I know of success stories where all wives get along and children are close and well adjusted. Allah knows what is best for us better than we do. Regardless of how much we love our husbands, he is still only a man, not perfect and not someone who should be worshipped. Obeyed, respected, loved, YES but not the be all and end all of our lives. Dont misunderstand me, I do LOVE my husband and we are very close, hes my favourite person to be around even when Im mad a him. LOL but I try to keep everything in perspective. If he were to leave or marry a third i couldnt let that ruin my life... I am more than merely a wife and I have made sure that I have plenty else to occupy my time. However, what I do find hard is that some(not all) of my Sisters in Islam treating me like an adulteress although I strived before and after marriage to keep myself chaste. what hurts is people suggesting that I am less worthy than my cowife although Allah gave us EQUAL rights. I didnt know my husband at all before he approached me for marriage and I certainly didnt date him. My first concern was then and to a great extent still is, his first wife and their child. As her Muslim sister, i have always looked out for her in terms of making sure she gets her rights, even giving up my own in favour of her. I assumed to some extent (obviously naively) that this may, in some way, have been reciprocal. But i understand now that everyone is different and different people and cultures practice Islam differently. When she treats me badly, i make excuses for her. I know shes not a bad person, I just wish she could see past the bubble she has created around herself and her family and see the world and lives outside of it. I can hear you now saying, easy for you to to say. (sigh) InshaAllah one day my co wife and I will be able to work together to attain jannah And if not, Allah has promised to reward the patient so I fear Allah and try my best to have sabr. Please treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. Stop and think before you judge. Avoid suspicion and slander. Allah (SWT) has blessed me with a good husband and made him halal for me that I too can start a family and have companionship. Al hamdulillah. Please dont scare or encourage people away from something that Allah has made permissible. I know that your situation has been hard and that is your reality but it isnt everybodies reality. As my husband always says... second wife does not equal second best. Pls forgive me if I have offended anyone, it is not my intention.